Efy Gisella
Friday, July 31, 2009 4:51 PM
its over


i dont know where to begin.
i hate this feeling.
Have you ever feel like being yourself is not good enough ?
i cannot stop myself from feeling this way.
Maybe its just that i expect too much of something and ended up dissapointed myself.
Its been like what ? nearly three years since i love someone more than i love myself, you see.
No, its not about falling in love or whatever shit .. there's more to it.
Its about finding that someone who like you only in the female form, its about finding someone who admire you in everything you do.
i dont expect things to be this way.
i dont want to be in this state, either.
i swear im not okay with everything that happen around me
i'll be away for a few days.
Be back soon.
Tc, readers


Thursday, July 30, 2009 4:42 PM


I had a wonderful day but ignore the part that my class advisor has came back from his sickness. argh ! its kind of torturing when its time for us to go home, you know. Stupid arse !
So, end school at 12 pm today and off to meet the love.
He's being a sweetest boyfriend sometimes, you know.
The love text saying that meet him at his place and then off to Ehub, as he wanna treat me lunch at "bbq chicken". The sweetest part was, yesterday i text him that i feel like eating at "bbq chicken" and today he bring me there straight after school.
Aww.. i was really touched when reading the texts.
ily, love.
i know we've been quarrel for the past few days and i tell ya its damn worst nightmare i had.
Im sorry for everything. Likewise, im sucks in relationship. I try to improve on myself this time. Effy loves him only and only him effy depends on.
Your the only one i love and to forgive even though you break my heart.
At times i hate you, cause i cant erase the time that you hurt me and put tears on my face.
But out of all these, i know that ilysm. Your the only one who gave me strength in whatever i do in life. Again, im sorry.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009 9:09 AM
IM SUCKS


God, please help me.
Give me strength and faith that i could go through this hurdles i am facing right now.
Im weak of facing it.
It hurts me every words that he said.
Please give me strength to really move on with life.
):



Had a little conversation with Twin :
and this what she said hehs.

falling in love awfully simple but falling out of love is simply awfully.
When breaking up with your boyfriend,
he told you, " you'll never find anyone like me ! "
i thought to myself, i should hope not. you're the kind i want to get rid of.

hahahha, its kind of harsh i bet.
Afterall, i love my twinnie.
Thanks for the advice and stuffs.
It makes me better.


Monday, July 27, 2009 5:45 PM
dissappointment


Just recovered form my stupid fever that i have. School was fine.
And today's lesson ends at 11 am, i guess.
My class advisor did not attend to school due to some sickness he have.
So, the Geeks planned to slack at faridah's house. The Geeks went off earlier while i catch up with them later as atiqah and i have some stuffs to do.
So, let make it short.
Went to faridah's house and slack.
and something happened that really make me upset.

i just cant believe the messages that you sent to me. I almost wanted to cry but still i hold it strongly cause i promise that i wont cry over guys anymore. The words that you said showing that all these while i never ever made you smile or whatever shit. Im sorry if i couldnt be the way that you wanted. Im sorry if im sucks. Im sorry if my attitude arent the way that you want. Im sorry i couldnt be the best girlfriend that you want.
Im sorry if i made you being so stupid to chose me to be in your life. Again, my apology. im not perfect, either.You should understand my situation too and its not me the one who have to understand you all along. We' ve been through for the past two years plus and still why cant you just give way to me ? Seriously, for whatever you said just now to me, i felt hopeless. I felt like im useless to you. FYI, you're the most important person in my life and you just dont know how much you mean to me in my whole fucking life.
You loved saying things that i dont do and you love thinking negative things about me.
How would i felt ?
Just remember what you said the day you want me back in your life.
Seriously, i had enough with all these. You scold me for something stupid.
Sometimes when i did something, there is a reason behind it.
If this the reason that making you angry, i bet you just wanna find my damn fault.
If you wanna hurt me, please do it quickly cause im tired of crying.




Sunday, July 26, 2009 12:08 PM
Unforgiven


Sorry for not updating cause im down with a high fever for the past few days.
Did not attend to school for two days and im terribly sick / and which i dont know why.
But today i woke up feeling on cloud nine! But nauseating too as the hours passed by. Havent been digesting properly these days, & and dont even ask me why. Okay, so there's like an endless text messages and a few missed calls when i woke up at 2am last friday. An even unexpected call from him. i wont bother yeah to call you back. (:
Even mom got worried sick about me for knocking off the whole day. told ya, im damn sick and even vomitted twice. Thanks love for sending me to the doctor and visit me yesterday.
Its great having the love sitting beside my bed, watching me off to sleep. ily, hun.
i dont know why im scared to lose you.
i dont know why im just afraid of handling problems.
i dont know why i have to face in this kind of situation.
i dont know why im feeling so sorrow.
i dont know if im doing the right thing.
i dont know why i cant just stand up for myself.
i dont know why things have to get back to me.
i dont know why im bad at making decision.
OHH fcuk ! why is this happening to me ?!
god please give me strength to go through the hurdles that im going to faced it in the future and please give me faith cause i know im too weak to face it.
PS : good luck on your tournament today. im sorry i couldnt watch you playing.







Sunday, July 19, 2009 2:29 PM
confusion





Done with my spring cleaning today. Yeah i dont know why im in the mood of cleaning my room. Ohh yes, maybe im just too stress up. That's the reason of me doing it. Mummy nag at me early in the morning of not going to religious class. Mummy, im not interested with it. Though, you put me there, i would not listen every single lesson that i attend. Arent that just wasting my time ? Im different from brother. So you cannot judge me with brother. Im different okay. I cannot be him, mum. Get that.
Im sorry if im being rude to you just now. Im sorry,mummy and daddy thanks for backing me up. (: You're the best .
Hang out with shahirah yesterday. Went to bugis and bought and some stuffs and then off to kallang to meet her boyf. Its been some time not spending time with her but hey, i have a great time with you yesterday, darling (:
After chit chat for some time and im then off to Woodland. going to cousin's crib. Having a small barbeque at wdlds for my dearest grandma that have been taking care of me since im small.
Bumped to someone at train yesterday. Yeah, we did talk abit and i gave an excuse that im in a rush. So went in and yes he and his friends were sitting right infront of me. haiya.
He reminds me of the days when im with him. hais.
So texted with the love all the way to ignore of looking at his face. hehs.
Coincidentally, he did stop at the same station as mine.
i did walked as fast as i could.
so bla bla bla..
And then reached at cousin's crib around five plus.
The love came late due to last minute plan.So yeah the barbeque thingy turned out to be just fine until the weather spoiled it. Its drizzling and we have to bring all the food inside. stupid !
But didnt hang out that much with cousin and all. I have to rush home as grandma need to do some stuffs. So yeah went back home around nine plus.
Cousin, will made a date to hang out together soon okay ? (: ily, cousin.
Going out soon later.
toodles




Friday, July 17, 2009 4:47 PM
I Love My Geeks


Happy eighteen birthday, natasha. May you bless with love and success in everything you do.
ily, girlfriend. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend for the past six months plus. hehs.
(:

Make a small surprise celebration for dearest natasha just now. I can tell you we were just having so much fun together. effy loves the geeks (:
So, end school at 12 plus and off to buy the cake with faridah. And the geeks were actually walk from school to the place that we planned. Its kind of annoying, you know. Bought the cake and this bloody idiot aunty was serving us and hell yes, the service that she gave seriously sucks! I asked for a candle and she did give only 1 and i was like wtf !
So, i asked again " may i have a few more, please ?"
And she said : uhhh, no no ( shaking head )
Stupid people ! And i asked for a knife and again she shake head. Annoying sak ! STUPID !
So, no choice faridah and i walked back to the NTUC to bought some stuffs that we need.
Coincidentally, saw the love just now.
And then we're off to meet the geeks. While we was setting up the cake and stuffs, i was like wth ! LIGHTER ! hahahha. How am i to light up the candle without a lighter ?
So, Faridah asked this apek wheather he have a lighter to borrowed. And yes, the apek did gave that lighter to us. Guess what ? The lighter was not working ! Only faridah knows how i felt during that moment. hehs.
( Keeecccoohh sangat2. )
Then, the geeks came and we surprised our dearest natasha.
End up, birthday girl just cut the cake and make a wish without blowing the candle.
But still sweet huh ? (: hees
ohhh, something happened just now till we laughed like damn hell. (:
And a few minutes later, stupid people walked past. hahahhaa.
ARM ( which i dont know how to spelled it his name ) , acting like a clown just now.
nak joget macam MJ tak menjadi.
Then, Geeks off to home and met the love at the usual place.

Here's some of the pictures that we took in school






- Twinnie took it. Purpose was to act like one of this bitch in my school.
She actually did tuck in her Uniform like that.
pikir kan cool lah tu. hehs.




- Awww.. My Jonas Brother. Everywhere they go or do always they're together.
Twinnie and i came up a name for them. The Jonas Brother (:
From the left: Peter zeus as Kevin. Firdaus as Joe. Achik- Nick.
It sounds weird, i bet but hey i can swear they really like one of those.
hahhahha (:
And to my dearest slutty bitch JONGOS, jangan jadi irritating boleyh ? gy betul kan bende yang kau perlu betul kan. Please dont talk about my geeks okay ?
Look yourself in the mirror first before you say something about my geeks okay ?
Get that! twwinniie, see im mad already ! ahhahaha.
Barbeque tomorrow with cousin's family and might be the love tag along too.
and football match on sunday at Regent Sec. (;
will update in one of the weekdays yeah (:
PS : People, please be more considerate yeah cause this is my blog and do respect it.
Please, when you guys feel like tag or what, please do write your name. As in your real name. Okay. Thanks. appreciate it if you guys understand my simply english(:






Tuesday, July 14, 2009 7:55 PM
i hate liars


Ive been giving out chances but all you do is to let me down. I dont now what's in your mind all these while. i dont know if im being stupid of just a fool ? Please stop saying this phrase to me " im sorry if i couldnt be that perfect for you". No one is damn fucking perfect. i dont even asked you to be perfect for me. i just want you to make me happy. that's all. But things kept repeating itself. You were not there on that particular night when i had my tears fall. I was hoping around to see you appear infront of me but its just a waste of time of me thinking of that cause i know it wont happen. im sorry this time i just had to be firm.
Im totally down of what you did on our two years sixth months. Just do whatever that you want.
Im sorry. i just had lost my trust on you. You didnt appreciate of what you have now. You taking everything for granted. lastly, my apology.
Take care.



Monday, July 13, 2009 5:46 AM


Its now 5.46am. Anyway ,
Happy two years sixth month, saifudin.
glad that we came this far. Lets made this year a better one for us.
Ily


Saturday, July 11, 2009 1:21 PM
i swear im crying.


I dont know why i have the urge to blog right now even i dont have the mood to do this.
I swear im crying writing this. Im totally tired of having this kind of situation again and again.
I dont know why i always get this kind of situation. i dont know why i have to face it. I dont know why im feeling so sorrow. I dont know why im just afraid. I dont know if im doing the right thing. I dont know why things have to get back to me. i dont know why must i worry much. Why its always have to be me. i dont know why i just cant stand up for my own.
Why LOVE always feel like a battlefield. i just hate to be in this state. Sometimes, i just felt like running away from these. i just cant hold it anymore.
All you know saying "evrything's on me". but did you ever think or asked me why am i being this way ? did you ? Yeah, obviously, you dont even feel anything right now. Though, im here crying my lungs out even im sick. Do you care ? Everything going back to square one. It will never change even you. i guess all the words and promise you said, i would just forget about it. i shouldnt believe it in the first place, either. im just being naive.
Just do whatever that makes you happy.
im just getting tired of facing this kind of situation.
im just not that strong enough to hold it.
im sorry if i couldnt the best for you.
im sorry if i hurt your feelings.
By all means, go find a better one , instead.
im sorry.

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Thursday, July 9, 2009 3:50 PM
i dont understand


The way you think is just way too sucks. okay ?
i just had enough of you saying those kind of words as if i cheat behind your back.
FYI, im not cheating behind your back nor am i contacting with those stupid guy that you thought of. If yes the way you think that way, why are you still being with a slut like me ?!
As if you're not that concern enough. i dont get it the way you think right now.
If you think you says : i guess i know why, you and him.
You mean im having affair with that guy ? if yes i am, i would just fucking get out off your life. Sometimes, when you said things, it hurts me.
You just said but do you ever tried to figure out ???? i bet NO.
You are not trusting me at all.
Seriously, i had enough of you saying those things that i dont do. Its all bullshits okay.


PS: IZRAINI, i dont need a person like you to read all about my life here. yes, i know its a public post but still i dont like you to be in my blog site. THANKS.



Wednesday, July 8, 2009 5:48 PM


SCHOOL LIFE
It was awesome when seeing bunch of lovable friends around me. had fun with them every single days. When to twinnie's crib just now as our class starts at one due to no lesson for PE. yeah, its obviously we are super excited when having PE but end up dissapoinment ay. Back to school around one plus and accompany twinnie met irwan and off to school. Checked my GPA and shit! ive only get 1.4. and hell yes, i couldnt get to go in Higher Nitec if my GPA remains that way. But hey, did my practical well just now. and end class at 3.30.
LOVE LIFE
At first, it went out beautifully and i felt like im the most luckiest girl in the world. But now it starts back to where it was. Honestly, i dont ever felt regret of what im facing right now. Maybe he doesnt know how i felt nowdays. Yeah, i know this what called relationship. Every relationship we had, there is abit of conflicts between us. But i do believe, if we kept maintain on what we are in the first place, i bet there is no conflicts at all. Im just confused and pissed of what people said and stuff to me. Its been such a long time im with him. Since we're in secondary life and till now we are holding it strong. But honestly, sometimes im just tired of going through the same thing again and again. I just need abit of your attention, really. You're not the person ive known. On that moment, you're just being so sweet to me. But i dont know if that was mother fucker sweet talk from you. But trust me, i dont believe if that was really you. Its really unfair for me for everything that i did. What i did, always its not okay for you but when you did something, everything seems to be okay. You always kept saying im the one, im the one who started everything first. But deep in my heart, i just want to clear out to you what's in my heart all these while. But turned out im wrong. You kept saying the same word again. I guess i shouldnt say any words anymore to you. i just kept by myself from now onwards.
im just upset of what im going through right now, Even im having trauma sometimes, of what you did last time. im scared it will happen again and again. Likewise, it will never change, it will always remains how it used to be. Love, please change the way im thinking right now. You ever said that you're going to be the best person for me this time but it only lasts for a few days and not forever. Like now, changes made again by you.
Baby, how i wish you knew what i felt right now. i dont want to be hurt anymore. but if yes, please do it quickly cause im cant hold it anymore. im just too tired.
FRIENDS
i missed the moments we had together. i had dreamt that you guys appeared in front of me and singing this sweetest song to me at the voideck. It just amazed me in a sudden i dreamt about you guys. I swear i really missed the moments we spent. We cried, laugh, share secrets and even the most dissapoinment share boyfriend. Its the most dissapoinment i had ! but still, i still loved her. We've been through ups and downs together for the past four years. I dont know why sometimes i just felt hating them but in a same time i would feel i missed them. When remembering the days we had, i would just feel sad and i felt like crying. i just want my friends back. But i know i couldnt. FUCK! how i wish nothing happens to us. and nothing happens that makes us separated like now. Guess now, bestfriends turns out to be enemies. Girl, ive received your message through facebook. honestly, i felt upset about it. the reason i add you cause im just missed talking to you guys. but hey, i dont give a damn if you guys hate me. yes, no one is perfect either and i dont live to please people out there. i am being a human do have feelings and im being what i am and not pretending. get that. cause why ? i just hate being pretenders. i just do what i felt. i just want you guys to know im sorry for everything and i will keep those memorable things we had in mind. May you guys success in everything you do.
Yeah friends in ITE now, are great. super great ! but sometimes i just missed my bestfriends. ):
Girlfriends are being so kind to me and never failed to make me laugh. They reminds me of my bestfriends. i just loved my gfs alot. Maybe i just let time to pass by. i believe someday, i would just forget everything and i would just move on with people around me.
IM DONE.


Monday, July 6, 2009 7:11 PM


Sometimes when we fight, i think maybe i should just let you leave and push you out of my life.
I dont decide cause i know that i just cant survive without you.
And i know inside, that i never let you go cause im sure you're the one even through the rain its clear that you're the one i want.
And no matter how we fuss or fight, boy you should really know, i just cant stop loving you.
Baby, ive tried to tell you goodbye, one look from your eyes and those thoughts,
Is foolish to try when i know that i just cant survive without you.
To see through the night, you are my life.
So even when we fight, i know its going to be alright.
You have my soul and everything.
And please stop hurting me cause ive done through alot to show how much i love you like no one could imagine it.
im looking forward for another two years time, love.
Sorry for the harsh ive said to you all these while.
I promise i will try to change the way i am to be a great girlfriend you had.
ily, hun (:


Friday, July 3, 2009 8:03 PM


Im bad at making decision in life.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:53 PM


i dont know why things just kept turning and turning the same round back again and again.
im just tired being like this and living this kind of situation.
thanks for being such a nice guy on that moment.
THANKS



EFY ♥

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1st November is my all time favourite day, big thanks to mum

Ive owned a beautiful/gorgeous bestfriend. Bestfriend Amira && Irahh

My all time favourite Soldier boy ♥


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I Love You.